


I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

by RubyKitten



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Era, M/M, sorry in advance, this is my first actual fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-23 21:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1579733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyKitten/pseuds/RubyKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Eren would never forgive any of us if we died with our head down.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

She hates me. She absolutely despises me. Arlert does as well. He tells her, “It wasn’t his fault,” but he doesn’t believe his own words. I see the hatred in their eyes when they salute me. I don’t bother telling them to go to ease. They won’t hold the gesture of respect for any longer then they’re obligated to. I would’ve been dead long ago if it wasn’t for that obligation. 

 

I’ve never slept. Back in the underground I had to keep watch for other criminals. When I first entered the corps, I had to watch for other soldiers who didn’t like the decision to bring in three street rats with no training. As my rank grew and I watched those around me fall, I was kept up by paperwork and the nightmares. And then there was a monster inside the same walls. Like anyone could sleep knowing that. And yet… when he came into my quarters in the middle of a storm, shaking with fear, and we shared my bed ... It was the first night of peaceful sleep I ever recall having. And now, I’ll be lucky if I don’t die from sleep deprivation instead of some damn titan.

 

Erwin’s given up on me, I know. Hange on the other hand, she’s stubborn. Every morning she comes to my office with tea and a change of clothes. She scolds me for not sleeping in a bed. Then scolds me for not eating. She never scolds me for not being clean. That is the one thing that has not changed. The floors are still swept and the shelves are still dusted and the windows scrubbed. Except my bedroom. I haven’t set a foot in there since the day I returned alone. There’s layers of dust everywhere and the windows are clouded. The last I saw, there was broken glass and overturned chairs and blood from my knuckles. I’m sure Hange went back and tried to clean everything up in case I was to go back one of these days. I won’t.

 

He was always the more forward one in our relationship. He was the one who initiated our first kiss. He was the first to express how I was his and he were mine, the first to say I love you. He was the first to grab my hand, to hug me. He was the one to proudly reply when Hange asked what was going on between us, as if it wasn’t common knowledge, that we were boyfriends. It was, but Hange had to hear it from the source. That night was not the first night I saw murder in Ackerman’s eyes. But it was the first that it was accompanied with a death threat that should any harm come to Eren, she would be the one to kill me. I swore to her, he was the safest he ever would be in this world. The next time, was when she lunged at me with her blades raised, a broken scream leaving her throat. I closed my eyes and lowered my head. I was ready but she stopped. Her next words are the only thing keeping me alive.  
"Eren would never forgive any of us if we died with our head down.”

 

Hange dragged me to dinner tonight. Everyone went quiet. I most likely looked like the shit on their boots. I don’t leave my office unless I need to bathe in Hange’s quarters or Erwin summons me, which he hasn’t done in weeks. I probably need a haircut. We sat at the table with Erwin. I gave one worded answers to whatever conversation they threw at me, I was more interested in Ackerman. She was across the room, facing me, just looking, her eyes were tired. After about twenty minutes of just staring at each other, occasionally looking away to Hange and Erwin to refuse food, she got out of her seat. Arlert and the rest of their group looked at her, puzzled. She picked up her untouched tray and made her way across the hall. Once Arlert clued in to her destination he hastily got up to try and save his friend from death for killing a captain. She arrived at our table and threw the tray down in front of me. “Eat.” And with that she left, the blonde trailing after her. And so I ate my biggest meal in months.

 

Eren died saving us. A horde was closing in on us. They were mostly abnormals. Most of us had injuries we couldn’t fight with. We needed a distraction or we would all die. Eren had been quiet. I had thought he was accepting his fate. Then he yelled at us to go, to run, to live, to save humanity and then he was gone. He turned his horse around and seconds later there he was in his titan form. I wanted to go to help him. But I knew if I did then humanity would lose everything and we would all die. So I gave the orders. Mikasa was screaming bloody murder and Arlert and Kirschtein had to hold her down so she wouldn’t lose any more blood from the gash on her side. She woke up as we were nearing the walls, and the first thing she did was scream for Eren. I was at the back looking, praying to see a lumbering titan. Next I knew she was running towards me, blades she had gotten from someone else’s 3dmg raised. I got off my horse and fell to the ground. I was exhausted. My leg was wounded again. I was ready. But she spared me, because Eren had told us to live and she would honor his last wishes.

 

Eren’s wishes were granted. We won. The titans were exterminated. We tore down the walls. We discovered the ocean and the seas of sand and everything this world had to offer. Ackerman was now a Captain and Arlert the commander. Erwin and Hange were dead. I was an old man with a bum leg. The gun was heavy in my grasp. The night was quiet. The stars were beautiful. The ocean water warm on my feet. My head was up. It was over. 

BANG

**Author's Note:**

> So this is actually my first complete fanfiction, I'm really nervous about posting it but I actually like it!  
> I wrote this in about 2 hours so really, I should've spent more time on it before publishing it but if I do that then I'll lose the courage.
> 
> Sorry for any terrible characterization and general bad writing!
> 
> Any critiques and/or advice are very welcome!
> 
> title is from the song Comatose by Skillet


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